Today, exactly 4 years ago, my dream shattered. A Norwegian fairy tale came to an end. I was going to live happily ever after with my prince but this turned out to be too good to be true.
How it all started
On June 1, 2014 I took off by car. With some stuff with me and my dog. I was going to check off that thing on top of my bucket list: working with sled dogs in (Finnish) Lapland. And I did, for 6 weeks as planned. After that, I didn’t want to go back. My best friend and my host predicted that, by the way.
I went to Norway, just 216 kilometers more north from where I was, From Inari to Nesseby. Only 24 hours after I arrived at my wooden cabin with no running water, I decided to stay for a whole year. I wanted to experience the nordic winters when the sun doesn’t show itself for two months.
December 2014 – I just came back from two weeks in The Netherlands – there he was sitting next to me on the plane from Oslo to Kirkenes. We talked, kept in touch and fell in love. A dream come true.
A Norwegian fairy tale
The first time a visited Norway was 30 years ago. I instantly felt at home, this was my place. When my host in Finland told me that I needed to go to Norway (she was a shaman) I remembered my first trip. Was it intuition, was it a calling or was there another reason that I needed to go there?
This was just too good to be true. And it turned out this way. Of course we had a great time together. Within three months after we first met on the plane, I moved to where he lived: a fishing village right at the Barentszzee. I got myself an apartment and three months later I moved in with him. He loved my openness and I loved his calmness.
It was a boisterous relationship. Very passionate, once in a while fierce and occasionally some drama. We partied a lot, drank a lot, drove around the whole country (from Bergen to Båtsfjord), spent weekends in a cabin in Finland, visited Helsinki and Copenhagen, smoked a joint in the Netherlands, got a dog and enjoyed every moment of the day. Then in November 2015 he asked me to marry him at the back seat of a taxi in Budapest, just before visiting Groupama Arena to see Norway playing soccer against Hungary. Of course I said “yes”.
The shattered dream
Almost instantly from that moment on, things changed. It was an impulsive action. This was all too much, too soon. But neither of us wanted to acknowledge that. I so much wanted this relationship to work. After his project in Båtsfjord was done, we would move to the Netherlands for a while. So save some money and travel the world. After that we would settle down in Bergen (Norway).
But we never asked each other if we where still on the same path. We never dared. At least, I didn’t. Of course I cannot speak on his behalf but I could sense in his behavior that he wasn’t ready for it yet or maybe he got scared. So on April 7, 2016 we decided to split up. The next day I took the plane back to the Netherlands. The Norwegian fairy tale was over.
I still think of him every day. There is always something happening during the day that reminds me of him. Most of the time with a smile and sometimes with sadness. Sadness because I couldn’t help him. He was tormented. A lot of demons in his head which I couldn’t scare off. He was an extreme introvert and I have never managed to really look into his heart and head. Although he said that he was never that open with anybody.
So what did I learn from all this. This was the biggest learning curve I could have had in life. Because it taught me that:
- You can’t rescue someone who doesn’t want to be saved
- Don’t be a therapist, be a partner
- Ask important questions before you’re moving in with each other
- Listen to your intuition, always
- If something looks too good to be true, it probably is
- Never stop talking about big steps in your life, dare to ask again and again
- Stop looking for mister Right, enjoy the moments no matter how long they last
- Never regret on anything you have done
It was a rollercoaster and I would never have wanted to miss it. I hope he is fine. He deserves it. I am more than fine and I look back on this whole experience with no regrets. Big lessons were learned here. But most of all, I had a great time with a great guy and a great dog (Corax loved snow, just like me)!
After being back in the Netherlands, I could finally read “The Power of Now”, start meditating, reflect on my own behavior and went through my biggest personal development ever in life. Everything happens for a reason. It took me some time to realize that.
[featured image: reindeer migration in front of my house in Nesseby]